RP 9/3: Any dolt with half a brain can see that humankind has gone insane

The Remote Patrol for Tuesday September 2, 2008
by Thomas Allen Heald, Esquire
All times Eastern, for PBS programs, check local listings

8 p.m.
“AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL” (CW): The official haiku
Gay men teach chick pack
how not to prance like Clydesdales
We’ve got Tyra Mail!

“AMERICA’S GOT TALENT” (NBC): The official haiku
Sharon, twin fops
Get it on and bang a gong
Keep your day jobs, kids.

“BONES” (Fox):  The official haiku
Moonlighting:SI
Oh, just do it already.
Detec-tibia

9 p.m.
Dear Diary, I did cocaine on “COCAINE DIARIES” (BBC America). P.S., Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.

“MYTHBUSTERS” (Discovery) recreates YouTube videos (or not.)

Diane von Furstenberg judges “PROJECT RUNWAY” (Bravo). And ve all know vut zat means.

10 p.m.
“SONS OF ANARCHY” (FX): The official haiku
“Beast” & “Peg Bundy”
Hells Angels of a feather
Run guns together

TANNED, RESTED, AND READY
“TOP DESIGN 2: ELECTRIC BUNGALOW” (Bravo)

10:30 p.m.
Which cult is the “ROOT OF ALL EVIL” (Comedy Central)? Disney or Scientology?

PEOPLE WHO DID NOT FATHER BRISTOL PALIN’S BABY
* Dr. Phil McGraw, Tilda Swinton, and Tricky give Dave a checkup from the neck up.
* Billy Bob Thornton and Brian Wilson smile at Jay.
* Craig has a great day in America with Maria Bello and Steve Hofstetter.
* Nicolas Cage, Vivica A. Fox, and Delta Spirit treasure Conan.
* Russell Brand, Christina Hendricks, and Young Jeezy are forgetting Jimmy Kimmel.