RP: 9/5: What a way to make a living?

The Remote Patrol with Thomas Allen Heald
For Friday, September 5, 2008
by Thomas Allen Heald
All times Eastern, for PBS programs, check local listings

8 p.m.
One thing, at this point, that I refuse to mock is a cancer telethon. That Fox can’t spend an hour and be a 4th network to broadcast it is … to be expected. But, hey, they are “finally” giving away a million on
“ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 5th GRADER?” (FOX), either to Kathy Ireland or the State Superintendent from Georgia.

Jessica Alba, Casey Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Christina Applegate, Lance Armstrong, Charles Barkley, Halle Berry, Jack Black, Abigail Breslin, Josh Brolin, Kate Bosworth, Sheryl Crow, Ellen DeGeneres, David
Cook, Dana Delany, Fran Drescher, Kirsten Dunst, Elizabeth Edwards, Melissa Etheridge, Jimmy Fallon, Jon Favreau, America Ferrera, Jennifer Garner, Brad Garrett, Angie Harmon, Neil Patrick Harris, Tony Hawk, Salma Hayek, Marg Helgenberger, Scarlett Johansson, Diane Keaton, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Rob Lowe, Mandy Moore, Don Newcombe, Masi Oka, Sharon Osbourne, Danica Patrick, Josh Peck, Mekhi Phifer, Keanu Reeves, Christina Ricci, Robin Roberts, Commissioner Allan H. Bud Selig, Homer and Marge Simpson, Jimmy Smits, David Spade, Meryl Streep, Meryl Streep, Charlize Theron, Carrie Underwood,

Goran Visnjic, and Forest Whitaker will all “STAND UP TO CANCER” (ABC, CBS, & NBC). And by the time they finish reading the names of the stars, they might have time to give out the phone number twice unless it spells something. I did buy the charity single, “Just Stand Up!” on iTunes, which is likely the only time I’ll ever pay for something Miley Cyrus is involved with. Seriously, though. Give some money to cure all types of cancer. I’ve now lost two dear friends: one to throat cancer, the other to an intestinal cancer. The Chief has dealt with Hairy Cell Leukemia.

Akira Kurosawa + “Sisterhood o the Traveling Pants” = “SAMURAI GIRL”
(ABC Family). AKA Tube-socky!

9 p.m.
Lara Logan uses her journalism skills to reveal why the “CBS FALL PREVIEW” (CBS) has the best shows ever this season, even “Gary”, Unmarried.”

“MR. MONK’S 100TH EPISODE” (USA) gets by with a little help from John Turturro, Eric McCormack, Sarah Silverman, Howie Mandel, Andy Richter, Brooke Adams and Angela Kinsey.

10 p.m.
The Parents Television Council is claiming to have cost CBS jillions of dollars and forced the cancellation of “SWINGTOWN” (CBS). I don’t believe the network has actually made that decision. In any case, they
gang ends season one with and annual end-of-the-summer clambake.

EVERYONE’S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY
* David Paterson drops by “The Colbert Report.”
* Taye Diggs, Sarah Jane Morris, and Black Kids practice with Jimmy.
* Elisabeth Bumiller chats up Tavis.

* David is being (with) John Malkovich, Hayden Panettiere, and Steve Earle in tribute to Warren Zevon.
* Jay plays curve ball with Eva Mendes, Chris Matthews, and Shinedown.
* Craig is desperate to talk to Eva Longoria and Jamie Lidell.
* Conan does not disturb Jerry O’Connell and Christian Lander.