The Remote Patrol: Time to pay the Piper

Monday, October 27, 2008

7 p.m.
“NO END IN SIGHT” (Sundance) makes the case that the producers of “The U.S., uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq” assume it will have more episodes than “The Simpsons.”

8 p.m.
“Arrested Development” costar Liza Minnelli has recently announced she’s still here, and playing at The Palace. But what good is hoping you can score some of the $25 tickets, old friend, when you can just watch “CABARET” (Ovation).

Meanwhile, Lucille 2’s occasional BFF Buster (Tony Hale) joins the Buy More crew on “CHUCK” (NBC). Or you can watch him on “SAMANTHA WHO?” (ABC) at 9:30 as whatzername’s therapist.

9 p.m.
Edward Norton and Richard Gere have nothing to do with this similarly titled “PRIMAL FEAR” (History). Granted, the snakes and sharks might be threatening altar boys.

Suresh goes from Spiderman to Morbius on “HEROES” (NBC); Arthur Petrelli has Peter’s powers (wait, is future Peter still around?); and Elle meets up with Claire and likely Daphne. Because why not have three relatively interchangeable blondes? It works for the X-Men and Superfriends.

“AMERICAN EXPERIENCE” (PBS) probes the rise and fall of president Lyndon Hussein Johnson.

10 p.m.
“SCREAM QUEENS” (VH1) vie for a role in “Saw 6,” which I’ll watch only if it is also “High School Musical 4.”

You didn’t think the last season of “BOSTON LEGAL” (ABC) wouldn’t have Betty White’s “Catherine Piper” nonchalantly murdering yet again did you? Heavens no.

“INVESTIGATION X” (Discovery) investigates, as The Bobs put so upbeatly, “Is it passion, is it heartburn, is it the wrath of god? Maybe it’s friction in the bloodstream starts a fire in your bod? Is it caused by stress or frustration or by what you eat? Never snack on cabbage and wasabe, you’ll get smoking feet. Spontaneous Human Combustion. Poof, there goes another one. A raging fire, a funeral pyre. An unexpected cremation.”

NIGHT LIGHTS
* Sweet Jesus, Dave puts up with Bill O’Reilly and fellow celebutard Lauren Conrad.
* Jay give a hoot about Chris Rock and Darius Rucker
* Kathy Griffin and Carl Bernstein discuss All Clay Aiken’s Men.
* Charles Barkley is a PC while Justin Long is a mac with Conan.
* David Alan Grier and Saving Abel stir up hot chocolate with Carson.
* Campbell Brown burns sienna with Stew.
* Yo-Yo Ma has his ups and downs with Stephen.
* Tavis has a new adventure with Julia Louis-Dreyfus