remote patrol:

Friday, October 30 - Sunday, November 1, 2008

FRIDAY
7 P.M.
Civil warriors are supposed to rattle their and/or your chains on a seven hour “GHOST HUNTERS LIVE” (Sci Fi).

8 p.m.
“FOX LEGACY WITH TOM ROTHMAN” (Fox Movie) unearths Brian De Palma’s insight into the creation of “Phantom of the Paradise” starring William Finley, Jessica Harper and Paul Williams.

9 p.m.
“666: SEARCHING FOR SATAN” (WE) uses a computerized sketch artist to create an accurate picture of the devil. Anyone who thinks it’ll look like Barack Obama is A) probably watching Fox News Channel, B) listening to “Coast to Coast AM” and/or C) should really just stop using the internet.

10 p.m.
Andrew McCarthy directs while Rosie Perez guests on “LIPSTICK JUNGLE” (NBC), which NBC is trying to kill with this new timeslot.

The kaleidescope keeps turning on “CRASH” (Starz!).

NIGHT LIGHTS
* The reunited Labelle knocks Tavis’ socks off.
* Jimmy is bewitched by Nicolette Sheridan.
* Marcia Cross, Alan Zweibel, and George Clinton trick or treat at Dave’s House.
* Elizabeth Banks, Jack McBrayer, and Death Cab for Cutie go bonzo with Jay.
* Lauren Graham and the Damned skate by Craig’s haunt.
* One of the Olsens bobs for Conan.

SATURDAY
Harry Potter + Xena = Sam Raimi’s “LEGEND OF THE SEEKER” (Syndication).

4 p.m.
Perhaps the Brits can do a better “GLADIATORS” (BBC America) than America.

8 p.m.
Peter Gallagher returns (in the ballet version of “High School Musical”) in the “CENTER STAGE 2: TURN IT UP” (Oxygen).

10 p.m.
Thandie Newton and Ricky Gervais guest on “THE GRAHAM NORTON SHOW” (BBC America). One of them impersonates both Condoleezza Rice and Sarah Palin. Oh who could it be?

SUNDAY
8 P.M.
“THE SIMPSONS TREEHOUSE OF HORROR XIX” (Fox) is both Shia and Snoopy in its parodies this year. And yes, they get a McCain joke in with seconds to spare.

“FIVE YEARS ON MARS: THE ROVERS” (National Geographic) is at least two emo bands I don’t listen to.

“BROTHERHOOD” (Showtime) returns. Maybe someone watches it.

9 p.m.
What do McCain and Obama (and Palin really) need to know about tech? They probably won’t watch
“THE PRESIDENT’S GUIDE TO SCIENCE” (Science) to find out.

Stephen Root week continues on “TRUE BLOOD” (HBO).

9 P.M. (TLC)
“PURITY BALLS” (TLC) heads to the creepy Evangelical proms where daddies and daughters dance and the girls get fitted for chastity belts.