90210 Episode Guide

Previously on Shannen Doherty:

I don’t remember. I think I’ve managed to block “90210″ from my mind. I know Shannen didn’t appear topless. I would have remembered that

Tonight on Shannen Doherty:

Forgive me, but I can’t do my usual summary. The one dimensional teenage stereotypes… the teacher who doesn’t seem to teach any particular subject… prolonged exposure to this series should come with a warning from the Surgeon General.

Shannen sat in a doctor’s office, receiving bad news. Adriana, a recently reformed teenage drug addict, asked Jennie Garth’s breasts to contact Shannen, hoping she might accompany her to a rehab reunion. When Jennie Garth’s breasts visited Shannen, Shannen was standoffish, clearly still troubled by the as-yet-unnamed problem her doctor told her about. Shannen showed Jennie Garth’s breasts the door.

Eventually, after some off-camera soul searching, Shannen met up with Adriana and Jennie Garth’s breasts at the rehab shin-dig (lame party… alcohol was not served). As the party was winding down, Shannen started to confide in Jennie Garth’s breasts, but Adriana and her sponsor interrupted with bad news about an ex-boyfriend who relapsed. Upon learning that he had HIV, Adriana went for testing, with Shannen and Jennie Garth’s breasts joining her for immoral support. Adriana turned out clean, but pregnant. For some reason, Shannen freaked out and bailed.

When Jennie Garth’s breasts went to Shannen’s house to confront Shannen, Shannen revealed that she was told she could not have kids. Shannen then revealed she wanted to adopt a baby.

Tune in next week when you’ll hear Shannen say:
“OK, but only if you provide the latex.”

For those who actually give a rat’s ass about the non-Shannen characters… a brief recap:

The alleged half-brother of two feuding teenage bimbi (plural of bimbo) seemed to be plotting to get money from the adult members of the cast (that is, the adult members of the cast playing adults, as opposed to the adults playing teenagers). One teenage bimbo was suspicious, as was her mom. Meanwhile her brother, an adopted African American, lied to his non African American girlfriend so he could hang out with an African American girl and her equally African American friends and family. But it turned out the girl was a lesbian (with an exceptionally cute girlfriend, I might add). The African American members of the cast sang “Amazing Grace.” The alleged half-brother agreed to a blood test to remove the word “alleged” from the character description. But, the next day, he vanished without a trace, absconding with money taken from the marginally less likable adult members of the cast.