RP: 2/1: Casey Jones, you’d better watch your speed

The Remote Patrol for Monday, February 2, 2009, National Buy a Newspaper Day, Hug a Jew Day, and Something Involving Bill Murray and an Alarm Clock
by Thomas Allen Heald, Have Cane will Travel
All times Eastern, for PBS programs, check local listings

TOM’S TOTALLY TWISTED TV TRIVIA THINGY
This series was originally set to run on HBO and star Joe Piscopo or Rodney Dangerfield. Name it.
A) “The A-Team”
B) “Night Court”
C) “Police Squad”
D) “The Greatest American Hero”
E) “Sledge Hammer”
—

7 p.m.
Anthony LaPaglia goes “INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO” (Bravo), to discuss such great films as … “So I Married an Axe Murderer,” “He Said, She Said,” “Empire Records” and “Happy Feet.”

8 p.m.
PRETEND IT’S SWEEPS
“Lost’s” “Charlie” and Jerome Bettis guest on “CHUCK: 3-D” (NBC).

9 p.m.
Get a leg up with “Tales from the Scrip” on “THE POLIO CRUSADE” (PBS).

9 p.m.
Everyone’s powerless on “HEROES: YES, STILL ON” (NBC). Because every new arc has to have them separated and not working as a team, like in … you know, comic books. (Harrumph.)

Look back on a life of international terrorism on “LEILA KHALED: HIJACKER” (Sundance). Yeah, I know, you thought it was going to be about Bill Ayers. Thank you for reading, Governor Palin.

10 p.m.
TELE-GEBRA
America’s Next Top Model” + 2% more homosexuality = “RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE” (Logo). Here, I’ll let her explain drag to you. “I do not impersonate women. How many women do you know who march around in 7-inch heels, 3-foot wigs and skin-tight outfits? Women don’t wear that, drag queens wear that! The public persona of RuPaul is just a fabulous, eye-popping celebrity package designed to work well in front of the camera.”

“MEDIUM” (NBC) is back … but you knew that, right?

TALK SHOW DEATH MATCH
Dave has Steve Martin; Leno has Kate Winslet;
Conan has Kathy Griffin.
Winner: Dave.

TRIVIAL ANSWERS
His name is Vince Offer. What is he trying to offer you? He wants you to call him within the next 20 minutes and give him $19.95, plus shipping and handling for either the “ShamWow” or the “Slap N Chop.”

But the conversation has just begun, add your own suggestions or discuss
mine on the “TV or Not TV” Google list or at tvornottv.net. “The Remote
Patrol” is copyright© 2008 Thomas Allen Heald and Gigantic Rear
Projection, Ltd.