RP: 2/17: New York, this is your last chance.

The Remote Patrol, Dies Martis xvii Februarius MMIX
by Thomas Allen Heald
All times Eastern, for PBS programs, check local listings

TOM’S TOTALLY TWISTED TV TRIVIA THINGY
Which was not true of “Rhoda” from the opening of her show season one?
A) I was born in the Bronx, New York in December 1941. I’ve always felt responsible for World War II.
B) The first thing that I remember liking that liked me back was a fun house mirror.
C) I had a bad puberty, it lasted seventeen years.
D) I went to art school–my entrance exam was on a book of matches.
E) Eventually I ran to Minneapolis where it’s cold, and I figured I’d keep better.

Carlton, your doorman, will have the correct answer for you on Wednesday.

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8 p.m.
The top however many perform on “AMERICAN IDOL” (Fox). And now you finally get to vote against them.

9 p.m.
“FRONTLINE” (PBS) goes “INSIDE THE MELTDOWN” and leans why Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson and Fed chairman Ben S. Bernanke were both as useful as a Snuggee.

Snoop chizzles with his celebrity gizzles on “DOGG AFTER DARK” (MTV). Sure but how will it stack up against RuPaul’s talk show?

Mike Rowe is working on his 200th “DIRTY JOBS” (Discovery) on the railroad, all the live long day. Give our best to Dinah.

“HOW THE EARTH WAS MADE” (History) reveals that doctors Troy and MacNamara originally wanted the Grand Tetons to be bigger.

10 p.m.
Don’t forget the blue cards on “SHATNER’S RAW NERVE” (Bio) as the Shatman follows up his Drew Carey chat with the song stylings of Wayne Brady. Memo to Ryan Styles: hold out for all the points.

PRETEND IT’S SWEEPS
“Battlestar Galactica’s” Katee Sackhoff guests on “NIP/TUCK” (FX). And we all know what that means.

A repo man is murdered. Is his transgender 13-year-old son responsible for making him … not the man he used to be on “LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT” (NBC)?

TELE-GEBRA
“Little Miss Sunshine” + 98% more JonBenet Ramsey = “TODDLERS & TIARAS” (TLC), featuring a tribute to hog innards.
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TALK SHOW DEATHMATCH
* Dave chats with protege Bonnie Hunt.
* Jay has a party of one with Jennifer Love Hewitt.
* Jimmy pops with Tyler Perry and Blues Traveler.
* Craig preys with Bill Maher and Chris Klein.
* Conan and Jason Sudeikis live in a nativity scene.
TONIGHT’S WINNER: While Dave always sparkles with Bonnie, Maher’s “Religulous” press tour nudges Craig to a win tonight.

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But the conversation has just begun, add your own suggestions or discuss mine on the “TV or Not TV” Google list or at tvornottv.net. “The Remote Patrol” is copyright© 2008 Thomas Allen Heald and Gigantic Rear Projection, Ltd.