Hollywood Tw*ts for the week of 2/28/10

Looking at the tweets of celebrity bimbi (plural of bimbo) — so you don’t have to.

(for all you know, the * in the title of this feature stands for the letter “i” and, thus, the title is only offensive if you choose to believe it is — much like the rest of the English language)

Note: All the tw*ts gained more followers since last week. I’ve added a few more to the list this week.

Olivia Wilde (http://twitter.com/Oliviawilde) 24,929
“In the waiting room backstage of Bill Maher Show they provide deodorant. Should I be worried?”

Jenna Jameson (http://twitter.com/jennajameson) 93,115 (up from 91,973)
“This seriously has been the most f*cked up 3 months EVER… don’t even ask. I’m back and ready to slap bitches”

I think I saw her do that in a movie once

Sarah Palin (http://twitter.com/SarahPalinUSA) 93,968
“Sean Hannity docu tonight!It captures essence of T-Party movement,which is U.S.political future bc we crave freedom&opportunity&common sense”

Anyone else enjoy the irony that this tw*t is talking about common sense? Anyone else enjoy the fact that this tw*t has apx. as many followers as a former porn star?

Eva Longoria (http://twitter.com/EvaLongoria) 148,291 (up from 133,947)
“Loren this jewelry is sick! I’m gonna keep rocking it!!!”

Kathy Griffin (http://twitter.com/kathygriffin) 254,466 (up from 256,728)
“Status: SINGLE”

Status: Not surprised

Ivanka Trump (http://twitter.com/IvankaTrump) 713,418 (up from 709,371)
“don’t worry…I’m in a cab. I don’t tweet and drive!”

Yoko Ono (http://twitter.com/yokoono) 791,016 (up from 782,320)
“Sometimes you find yourself in this room. Suddenly or gradually, you know you are being pushed into a room without a door”

Ms. Ono seems to be lost in the Winchester mansion again

Lauren Conrad (http://twitter.com/LaurenConrad) 909,571 (up from 902,794)
“Eep!! My toes are frozen and bright red!”

Nicole Richie (http://twitter.com/nicolerichie) 940,219 (up from 926,749)
“Them Parisians sho is klassy!”

Khloe Kardashian (http://twitter.com/KhloeKardashian) 1,019,417 (up from 991,758)
“Everyone retweet that please ”

No.

Demetria Lovato (http://twitter.com/ddlovato) 1,459,690 (up from 1,427,767)
“You. Will. NOT. Break. Me!”

With. One. Hand. Tied. Behind. My. Back. In. The. Dark.

Selena Gomez (http://twitter.com/selenagomez) 1,543,448
“You try a little harder if your scared -Rocky”

Analogy time: Teenage Disney star is to Sylvester Stallone as future porn star is to former porn star

Paris Hilton (http://twitter.com/ParisHilton) 1,568,647 (up from 1,537,974)
“Just finished shooting, on my way home to get ready for tonight. ”

I just pictured Paris with a rifle, out on another killing spree

Paula Abdul (http://twitter.com/PaulaAbdul) 1,630,948 (up from 1,625,079)
“Water your dream with motivation and it will grow into reality”

I just pictured Paula sitting at home eating cheese puffs, watching Ellen on “American Idol”

Katy Perry (http://twitter.com/katyperry) 1,916,812 (up from 1,870,439)
“I have a rope!”

Lily Allen (http://twitter.com/lilyroseallen) 2,030,320
“louis waymouth is still wanking, and after all this time !”

This seems to me like a Mad-Libs fill-in-the-blank

Jessica Simpson (http://twitter.com/JessicaSimpson) 2,217,753
“Take ur right hand draw a circle in the air going clockwise then while at the same time lift your leg and draw a 6 with ur right foot”

No, thanks, but I’ll pay you a quarter if I can watch you do that

Ashlee Simpson (http://twitter.com/ashsimpsonwentz) 2,123,021 (up from 2,115,036)
“Didn’t see me in NY handing out Pieces Candies w/ Hershey’s! … learn how you can try Pieces Candies for free”

From pop star to the “free sample lady” — now, that’s a setback

Lady Gaga (http://twitter.com/ladygaga) 2,924,060 (up from 2,835,164)
“What a f*cking night. Sweating, pumping, dancing, mental human beings my fans are. Paws for miles and liquor. Freedom! Ill never leave u,”

Taylor Swift (http://twitter.com/taylorswift13) 2,727,209 (up from 2,672,723)
“Management meeting. We got a giant new conference room table. My mom and my manager are talking on walkie talkies from opposite ends of it.”

Kim Kardashian (http://twitter.com/KimKardashian) 3,093,144 (up from 3,043,356)
“So I’m wearing a jumpsuit…do I do my hair down, glam, long curly or sleek tight pony tail?”

Be bold. Shave it off and go Kojak!

Oprah Winfrey (http://twitter.com/Oprah) 3,218,202 (up from 3,186,151)

Oprah didn’t tweet anything new this week, and I thank her for that.