TV or Not TV

Deconstructing Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian released a statement to her fans regarding the end of her marriage. We wasted no time breaking down each line of that epic tome to reveal the truth buried underneath. it wasn’t buried too deep — after all, she’s known as being shallow…

This is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write.

Words… hurt… brain

I see all of the support and I am so thankful for my fans, friends and family who are helping me through this difficult time.

I drink… a lot

I am trying not to read all the different media reports but it’s hard not to see all the negative ones.

It is hard to believe there are no positive reports about a plastic girl and her pathetic need for attention

First and foremost, I married for love. I can’t believe I even have to defend this.

Love, in this case, means fame, fortune, and another round of cosmetic surgery… finally gonna get a third breast like that alien chick in “Total Recall”

I would not have spent so much time on something just for a TV show!

I would spend so much time for the DVD and digital download revenues, however

I share so much of my life on a reality show, that contemplating whether to even film my wedding was a tough decision to make, and maybe it turned out to not be the smartest decision.

I spent all of eight seconds contemplating it… a pantload of contemplation for me

But it’s who I am! We filmed Kourtney giving birth, Khloe getting married, break ups, make ups, our best moments and our worst moments.

I also made a porn flick!

These were all real moments.

The moments were real; most of my body parts were not

That’s what makes us who we are.

Porn stars!

We share, we give, we love and we are open!

Love, in this case, means we will pimp each other out for a quick buck

Everyone that knows me knows that I’m a hopeless romantic!

Sex with NBA guys is awesome!

I love with all of my heart and soul.

I’ll do ass-to-mouth

I want a family and babies and a real life so badly that maybe I rushed in to something too soon.

I want a real life, which is why I keep appearing on TV shows

I believed in love and the dream of what I wanted so badly.

Love, in this case, means the chance to have millions of people worship me for walking down the aisle while wearing white

I felt like I was on a fast roller coaster and couldn’t get off when now I know I probably should have.

Next time I’ll make sure he pulls out sooner

I got caught up with the hoopla and the filming of the TV show that when I probably should have ended my relationship, I didn’t know how to and didn’t want to disappoint a lot of people.

I should have ended my relationship but I got married instead — who hasn’t done the same thing?

I’m being honest here and I hope you respect my courage because this isn’t easy to go through.

The 1% has problems, too — can you believe I had to wait almost three minutes for a manni-peddi?

But I do know that I have to follow my heart.

And by heart I mean vagina — lots of other NBA players on the roster

I never had the intention of hurting anybody and I accept full responsibility for my actions and decisions, and for taking everyone on this journey with me.

Though Ryan Seacrest is partly to blame

It just didn’t turn out to be the fairy tale I had so badly hoped for.

But I have high-hopes for my new boyfriend Charlie Sheen

There are also reports that I made millions of dollars off of the wedding. These reports are simply not true and it makes me so sad to have to even clarify this.

People keep forgetting international sales… we’re talking billions, bitches!

I’m so grateful to everyone who took the time to come to my wedding and I’ll be donating the money for all the gifts to the Dream Foundation.

Because dying people need a gift certificate for free vajazzling for life from Lucy’s of Beverly Hills

I’m sorry if I have hurt anyone, but my dad always told me to follow my heart and I believe now that I really am.

Then again, my dad went to his grave professing OJ was innocent, so maybe I need a better role model

One Comment

  1. Jo Ann says:

    Poor Kim K. is just in love with love and should stop listening to that mother of hers….she is worse than any of the children. Also feel sorry for Bruce – he is so henpecked hard to believe he was ever a major athlete. The show about casket buying was horrible – after I saw what it was about I immediately switched channels. Have they no shame???

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