TV or Not TV

While Star Wars fans everywhere celebrate today (“May the 4th be with you”), there is another reason to take note of the day.

It has been a year since Thomas Heald shuffled off this mortal coil. I pride myself on my writing ability, but what takes me 300 words used to take Tom fewer than six (annoying but true). His quick-witted economy of language served to punctuate conversations, and — more often than not — the specific punctuation was a hilarious exclamation point. Speaking just for myself, he made me laugh out loud. I know “LOL” is casually used a lot here on the interweb, but when it comes to reading Tom’s postings, it was the gospel truth.

Included in the recent survey, I asked for some favorite Tom Heald stories, so my words wouldn’t be the the day’s only memorial of the man. Here is some of what the group recalls (feel free to add more in the comments section):

He was a great man and I wish I got to meet him, but all I can say was that we were on the same email list, and for some odd reason he thought well enough of me to invite me to contribute to the TV/NotTV website, which I never did.

Regrettably, nothing that hasn’t already been uttered.  The fake listing that got back to Tom Snyder is a personal favorite. I miss playing Facebook Scrabble with the man. I’d usually win.

I wish I could remember one.  All my memories are more about me thinking “how does this guy know these obscure facts and make humor out of them?”

I dearly miss Remote Patrol.  Tom alerted our family to so many shows that I would have otherwise not stumbled upon.  It’s too bad nobody has picked up mentioning what’s on, and worth watching, on a regular basis.  When he was ready to stop doing it because Jon was no longer going to edit, I was probably one of the first people to encourage him to keep going – and he did, although not as regularly, but enough that it was still entertaining.  I was happy to donate to St. Baldrick’s when Tom asked; he deserved more than that for his daily musings – I was almost tempted to encourage everyone in the group to do it again in his memory.

I loved his This day in TV history columns, and I really miss those.

I got into it late, but I always appreciated his rundown of what was going to be on that night. It was both helpful and humorous.

Tom begged me to come back after Aaron left.  He surely regretted this.

I miss his Remote Patrol – I had several friends and relatives signed up to get the e-mail and they all loved his humor and his information listing of what shows were new for the day – we haven’t found a source of that information that is as good or easy to get.

Back in the days when the weekly TV listings were mainly Sue Throwbridge supplied, Tom started to slip in one fake listing per week. Not knowing this, I wrote to Aaron to point out the fake listing and asked if it was indeed fake. He replied, “Yes, that’s our Tom.”  Indeed.

Loved his daily trivia questions

They’re all favorites. His daily previews were tiny works of comic art, and should be reposted occasionally.

Due to this list (and Aaron’s) I felt like I knew Tom (and felt fondly about him).

I do miss “Today in Late Night History”

I do miss his contributions a lot.

In case you missed it, the memorial wall is still up on the website. Feel free and check out some of what he wrote and what others wrote about him.

A year later, the conversation has just begun.

Thanks for the laughs Tom.

Many people list Abraham Lincoln as one of the greatest presidents in American history. Many people list George W. Bush as one of the worst presidents in American history. Both men went against the grain and made unpopular decisions. Both men led the nation into unwanted wars. Both men led administrations that divided the nation to varying degrees. Both men were Republicans. On paper, Lincoln and Bush would appear to have a lot in common. Why then, are they regarded so differently?

Allow me to use Dennis Prager as a microcosm (which, by the way, is a 780 SAT word). For years, Dennis Prager has hosted a radio talk show on one station or another, and even in national syndication. He has appeared as a host and as a commentator on multiple TV shows. He is insightful, quick-witted, a gifted public speaker, and a conservative. Prager’s was one of the few radio shows with a conservative bias that I not only tolerated but enjoyed — until the most recent presidential campaign.

I should point out, in the interest of full disclosure, that I am somewhat of an anachronism (another 780 SAT word) in the sociopolitical climate. I don’t quite fit in, and my point of view is not represented by any current politician or party. I consider myself to be socially conservative but politically progressive, and that combination tends to infuriate Republicans and Democrats in equal measure. The conservative and Christian parts of me are able to laugh at Bill Maher’s “Religulous,” while the liberal and environmentally aware parts of me are able to find Al Gore to be a pompous blowhard. I see no dichotomy (another 780 SAT word) in holding what others might perceive as conflicting points of view. I see a clear distinction between the way I choose to live my life and the way I’d like the government to behave. There are choices that are right for me, but not necessarily ideal in terms of a national standard.

For years, Dennis Prager seemed to be — for lack of a better phrase — with me. At the very least, he was willing to speak about issues of ethics and morality at a time when few others did. The embedded video clip is actually two separate conversations between Tom Snyder and Dennis Prager at a time when Prager and I were on the same page. Prager attempted (unsuccessfully) to translate the topics he discussed on radio to his own television series — not his fault the series didn’t succeed; by and large, the TV talk show landscape wasn’t (and sadly still isn’t) the place for serious debate. But these two segments on “The Late Late Show” proved a delightful exception to that rule, as Snyder and Prager discussed major issues. They did so with great intelligence but also with great humor. There were no hidden agendas — a rarity in any medium.

As stated a few paragraphs ago, Prager and I ceased to be in agreement in mid-2008, as Barack Obama and Sarah Palin took center stage in a, frankly, superficial debate about substantive issues. Words like “hope” and “maverick” were meaninglessly bandied about, and the medium of television proved once again to be horrible as a place for thought-provoking discourse. All that is to be expected, but what got to me was the shift in tone of Prager’s radio show.

I work during the day, but tend to listen to podcasts (usually of radio shows) before I go to sleep. It is a way for me to stay current on events of the day. Prior to “Decision 2008,” “The Dennis Prager Show” was appointment listening for me. I didn’t always agree with everything Prager said, but I respected his opinion, just as he seemed to respect the differing opinions of his guests and callers. But one day, and I wish I had saved the specific podcast for the purpose of accuracy, Prager yelled at me. OK, not at me personally, but he started shouting into his microphone during his radio show. He was up in arms about the liberals and how they were treating him like he was a child. The specific issue that set him off was vehicle emission standards. Prager felt he had the right to drive a gas guzzler if he wanted to (not that he necessarily did want to), and he felt the government had no place interfering with his rights. When a liberal caller phoned in to state that conservatives wanted the government to interfere with the rights of those who wanted to marry certain people, Prager refused to accept the correlation. This, he maintained, was an inherently liberal flaw, and only a conservative in office could prevent the end of civilization as we know it (OK, some hyperbole on my part, but he was indeed adamant).

Had it been that one day or that one topic, I could have written it off as just another point of disagreement, but before I knew it, Prager was shouting at me almost daily about a host of topics, from the death penalty to immigration. Whereas he once (as evidenced in the conversations with Tom Snyder) expressed tolerance and even compassion for others, Prager began to rant (and not a funny Dennis Miller type of rant) about the evils of liberals. He had joined the ranks of other conservative talk show hosts (and politicians) who incited and inflamed listeners. I no longer enjoyed his show, and I ceased to tolerate it.

It is my hope that Dennis Prager has calmed down following the election. I do not know if his change in tone — his lack of compassion — was genuine, a desire to achieve higher ratings, or some combination of the two. But I still have several of his earlier radio shows in podcast form, the regular “Happiness Hour” feature being a longtime favorite of mine. I still listen to those podcasts from time to time, just as I periodically watch the Snyder and Prager conversations.

At his core, I do not believe Dennis Prager’s beliefs changed over the years. I do believe, however, that the way he chose to express his beliefs changed significantly — and for the worse. If the old maxim is true that it is wrong to do the right thing for the wrong reason, it stands to reason that it is wrong to believe the right thing but express it in the wrong way.

The microcosm, in case you missed it, unfolds in the following way: Lincoln’s greatness can be found both in the things he did and the way he was able to articulate himself. Bush’s failures can be found both in the things he did and the way he was unable to articulate himself. Any similarities between the two men are superficial — maybe even coincidental. There is a way to be conservative without seeming uncivil or lacking in compassion. Dennis Prager was, like Lincoln before him, once able to articulate the conservative ideology in a way that generations of Americans would accept and praise. However, like Bush after him, Prager joined the ranks of those who could not effectively communicate to anyone but those who already felt as he did. If he could only reconnect with the Lincoln inside of him, and cast aside the Bush-like tendencies, his radio show would once again be music to my ears. In the meantime, enjoy the Dennis Prager that was, and pray for the Dennis Prager that could be.

Next time: “So long, for a while…” — farewell shows

Looking at the tweets of Hollywood’s loosest stools — so you don’t have to.

(for all you know, the * in the title of this feature stands for the letter “i” and, thus, the title is only offensive if you choose to believe it is — much like the rest of the English language)

Note: Thanks to those who viewed my marginally more positive review of Twitter, I was tipped off to several celebrity tw*ts to add to the list this week.

Mena Suvari 4,982
“There’s an ‘African Lion Safari’ in Ontario, Canada?!!??!! WHA????!!!!I wanna GO!!!!Lmao♥”

Hard to believe less than 5,000 people are following this genius

Courtney Love 29,949 (up from 27,106)
“im trying to write an actual letter to someone i love becaUSE THeyre a little older and they cant read text and my hand hurts”

Olivia Wilde 39,830 (up from 38,005)
“Well I can check “strip in a Louisiana bar while writhing around on Ty Burrell’s lap” off the ole bucket list.”

Shannon Elizabeth 39,863
“On my way to Santa Barbara for”

Can’t complete a thought on Twitter, yet can win money at high stakes poker?

Carrie Fisher 48,821 (up from 48,065)

Just added to the list last week, and yet I report her worshipfullness has added no new posts since then.

Padma Lakshmi 51,076
“Can’t get over how divine baby smells! Mustela foaming shampoo is amazing, do they make it for adults?!”

Jennie Garth 71,105 (up from 70,249)
“And a Dr Cullen. Is that creepy or what:)”

Joan Rivers 82,410 (up from 81,629)
“The folks on How’d You Get $o Rich made money with great ideas. I make bad investments, like the “Mel Gibson Yarmulkes” I sank millions into”

I guess you have to give her points for trying — no, on second thought, you don’t

Jenna Jameson 112,561 (up from 108,649)
“I’m sorry to all of my fans, but I’m going to be quitting Twitter. I cant take any more abuse from ANYONE.. To my sweet fans…thank you”

This was posted on the 26th, but she has continued to post things. Don’t you hate it when a porn star lies to you?

Kelly Osbourne 274,477 (up from 271,223)
“I have hives all over my face and I can’t figure out what it is i am allergic to!”

Can’t be talent or charisma, since you’re nowhere near either

Kathy Griffin 279,441 (up from 276,747)
“Thank you, baby Jesus, for Oprah’s interview with Reille Hunter yesterday. Wow, Oprah’s head just about exploded!”

Three things I care little about: Griffin, Oprah, and Reille Hunter

Eva Longoria 307,111 (up from 2789,147)
“@jessicasimpson you looked beautiful tonight!”

A post you aren’t likely to read: “@jessicasimpson you are the smartest woman on the planet!”

Amanda Bynes 313,383

“Love is a game that two can play and both win. – Eva Gabor”

Ah, yes, the Gabor sisters — second only to Shakespeare when it comes to explaining matters of the heart

Lindsay Lohan 547,956 (up from 517,799)
“Playing the innocent card, while chatting to tmz just like my ex-father, when all I’ve ever done is fall for a girl”

You did more than that Lindsay — you also appeared in a Herbie movie

Ivanka Trump 744,586 (up from 741,237)
“Headed to beautiful Bedminster NJ to spend the weekend at Trump National Golf Course. Sun, pool, golf and tennis…perfect!”

The Trump family must have amazing body guards — it is the only way to explain why there aren’t more news reports of them getting repeatedly punched in the face

Yoko Ono 850,019 (up from 843,199)
“Listen to the ocean inside your body.”

Oh, thanks a lot, Yoko — now I have to pee like a race horse.

Lauren Conrad 993,591 (up from 977,750)
“Have you had a REESE’S Peanut Butter Cup lately? I love that there are 2 cups…one for today and one for tomorrow!”

Nicole Richie 1,059,799 (up from 1,049,084)
“La Cucaracha! La Cucaracha!”

Fantastic — now she’s incoherently posting in TWO languages

Suze Orman 1,079,200 (DOWN from 1,080,584)
“I loved that the winner of the Kentucky Derby was SUPER SAVER_ even in the mud- one wins when they are on top of a super saver- LOVED IT”

Five weeks of decline! At what point can we officially declare Orman’s Twitter profile in a recession?

Khloe Kardashian 1,185,414 (up from 1,168,457)
“Wooohoooooo! Awwww shit! Ballin!”

Tyra Banks 1,359,291 (up from 1,328,597)
“Time has come… who’s going back to america on #ANTM??”

I used to think of New Zealand as a pristine, unsullied country — then “America’s Next Top Model” traveled there. Residents of New Zealand, show me on the map where Tyra touched you…

Paula Abdul 1,662,654 (up from 1,659,790)
“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined xoP”

You got big dreams? You want fame? Well fame costs — and right here is where you start paying — in sweat! We also take MasterCard.

Demetria Lovato 1,740,043 (up from 1,703,416)
“”I’m not offended, I just think you’re an idiot.” Hahaha best quote ever.”

“Ask not what your country can do for you…” pales in comparison

Selena Gomez 1,804,298 (up from 1,779,287)
“www.selenagomez.com has officially launched. Visit the website to get updates about Music, Movies, Dream Out Loud”

I refuse to visit the site unless its opening screen includes a message that I must be at least 18 to enter

Paris Hilton 1,838,961 (up from 1,806,381)
“Going to go hit the black jack tables before heading to the fight. ”

Lily Allen 2,121,584 (up from 2,111,551)

Nothing new since last week’s thrill-less post

Chelsea Handler 2,148,293 (up from 2,130,653)
“Kirkman, Jo Koy, and the Sklars are in Denver and Santa Rosa this wkend for Comedians of CL. Livenation.com for tix.”

Never heard of anyone she listed, but I can’t help but feel pity for the residents of Denver and Santa Rosa

Ashlee Simpson 2,171,116 (up from 2,166,845)

Another week of nothing from Ashlee — we are thrice blessed.

Katy Perry 2,284,175 (up from 2,245,047)
“Weird story bout hypnotherapy, smoking & wedding. It’s all made up! It’s bad, of course! So is drinking! So are most of me outfits! ”

Um… what?

Jessica Simpson 2,431,909 (up from 2,406,156)
“POB BRAZILIAN STYLE..waxing and all…tune in @ 10pm!!!! ”

I wonder if, late at night, Jessica Simpson knows how sad and pathetic she has become?

Mariah Carey 2,668,222
“The festive moments continue Dahhlings! Sending LOVE to all the LAMBS in the land as always and happiness to everyone out there x”

“Dahhlings”? One of this week’s new tw*ts quotes a Gabor — another one sounds like a Gabor.

Demi Moore 2,680,343
“Looking forward to the meeting with our DNA Tech Task Force-agenda tackling child sex slavery on the web!”

When considering life’s larger issues, I’m sure most of us ask ourselves, “Yes, but what does the star of ‘Striptease’ think about it?”

Taylor Swift 3,114,929 (up from 3,072,846)
“Flying to Nashville– hoping it’s not a water landing.”

Insert obligatory joke here about Swift being equipped with two flotation devices

Oprah Winfrey 3,476,473 (up from 3,447,401)

Still nothing new from O.

Kim Kardashian 3,524,120 (up from 3,461,446)
“Ok I need your help! My dress is black and white strapless and I’m wearing red lipstick, how should I do my hair? Up in a bun or down?”

Just wear your hair the way your pimp tells you to

Lady Gaga 3,836,752 (up from 3,742,711)
“lady gaga + steven klein= une Pièce de résistance. Alejandro.”

Fantastic — now she’s incoherently posting in TWO languages

A couple of thoughts went through my mind as I reviewed this series of interviews featuring sports journalist and former talk show host Bob Costas. The first was that the interviews hold up surprisingly well, despite being more than 15 years old. Snyder and Costas compared notes on dated material such as the end of Bob’s run on “Later,” the big baseball strike, and Ken Burns’ “Baseball” documentary. While the specific references might not be fresh in the minds of most people, the substance of the interviews seems to stand the test of time. The second thought I had was that, for reasons I cannot explain logically, I could watch Bob Costas read classified ads out of the back of a Los Angeles Times and be entertained. He is immanently watchable, and the excitement and enthusiasm he brings to certain topics is infectious.

Costas was only in studio with Snyder for one segment, and then only briefly. The other two interviews feature Bob speaking from a remote location. Anyone wondering exactly how stupid one must feel sitting in a remote location should check out the first segment (from Tom’s CNBC show), which features a “tour” of the facility that will make you laugh. For the most part, such facilities are glorified broom closets, as this clip demonstrates.

Another clip features Bob’s ability to multi-task, as he is able to carry on a conversation with Tom while watching the last few minutes of an NBA playoff game on a monitor just off camera.

Those who know me know I have little interest in sports, so for me to find these interviews interesting says a lot about the people involved. Costas goes into sometimes lengthy, most times comedic descriptions of changes to the structure of professional baseball, the legacy of a strike that resulted in an unfinished season, and the strangeness of a documentary about baseball not including interviews of baseball players talking about their greatest moments. None of these topics matter to me, but I found myself compelled to watch them, and continue to watch them years later.

Tom Snyder has been dead for a few years, but Bob Costas is still alive and kicking. Can somebody please find a place for him on a broadcast network? He is capable of more than color-commentating a Clippers game.

Next time: Dennis Prager, and the lost ideal of the compassionate conservative