TV or Not TV


Future Tense

I own a record player and a modest collection of vinyl LPs. I also own an iPhone, iPad, and laptop with thousands of songs and hundreds of hours of video. There is something about the sound of a needle placed on a record and the resulting pops and cracks that cannot be duplicated, but there is something to be said for the convenience and progress of the devices that make media more easily accessible. And when it comes to those devices — and how people use them to produce and distribute media — we’re only at the tip of the technological iceberg.

In the not too distant future…

A writer once theorized that predicting the distant future was easy (flying cars, lasers, living on Mars, etc.) but predicting changes in the near future is much more daunting. Still, it is helpful to attempt both. The original “Star Trek” series was set several hundred years into the future, but it would be hard to deny their handheld communicators and PADDs inspired the cell phone and the iPad. On a grander scale, the folks at the LHC are running experiments that could one day lead to faster-than-light travel (a.k.a. warp speed) and one enterprising engineer has designed and is seeking funding to build a working replica of a galaxy class starship. Not science fiction — science fact.

When it comes to media, predicting the future (or future trends) is easier in the long term versus the short term. One assumes the world will be wirelessly connected, all media will be available on demand, and something akin to what is now labeled cloud storage will almost certainly exist. Furthermore, there is a form of acoustics that does not use traditional soundwaves, but launches sounds directly to one location. Harnessing this technology and creating an infrastructure in which it can prosper, the logical progression would be the elimination of physical devices needed to playback sound. No more speakers or headphones; you could simply request a song and it would be beamed directly at your ears, and not even the person sitting next to you would hear it.

In recent years, screen resolution has improved beyond what the human eye can actually perceive. Screen width has been reduced to that of a credit card in some cases. I’d speculate the next step in viewing will be projecting images into thin air with total clarity and uncompromising resolution. Again, no physical device would be needed.

But all of these predictions aren’t likely to occur anytime soon. In my estimation, the best way to predict closer future trends is to take a hard look at the present and the past. The death of film as a recording medium represents a monumental shift in the entertainment industry. By all rights it should have happened years ago, but some within the industry were fond of the “feel” of images on celluloid and were reluctant to part with it. Just as vinyl purists like me refuse to do away with the medium, directors clung to film as the holy grail of visual experience. Forward advancement literally had to wait until those nostalgic for film either died or retired. Based on this, we can extrapolate that changes in industry technology are going to occur slowly.

The future is here today, tomorrow at the latest

Currently, a lot of money is being thrown into podcasting and livestreaming. Some innovative content is emerging from those sources, and people are listening. However, the need to host media, and the subsequent cost of maintaining servers to meet public demand, is still hindering true independent artists from competing with the big boys.

The best model for new artists to follow right now would be that of comedian Louis C.K. who produced and distributed his own standup special, selling a digital download on his website for $5, which meant nobody received a percentage of his profits. He was able to undercut competitors, bypassing large distributors like Amazon and the iTunes Store, and the money actually went to the creator of the content instead of some middleman (or middlemen). This model does require an initial investment, but since the success of Louis C.K., a whole subsection of the industry is being created to make it easier for others to follow suit.

No look into the future of the media is complete without a look at interactive media. In the 1980s, “choose your own adventure” novels were a fad, allowing readers to decide the outcome of a story. Early text-based computer games essentially did the same thing on a grander scale (I was partial to the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy game by Infocom). But experience teaches us that the overwhelming desire to be passively entertained remains prevalent in society. For all the talk of virtual reality and totally immersive experiences, most prefer to sit back and watch/listen as opposed to being an active participant. Video games will continue to advance, with more realistic images and sounds, but Angry Birds demonstrated that a basic (even silly) concept can outsell the most advanced, highbrow ideas. The 8-bit world of Minecraft proves this, as well.

The big companies are reluctant to switch to an entirely on-demand method of distribution. It is costing them money fighting the inevitable, but their delay offers a benefit to new artists. While major labels and studios fight the changes taking place, they are unwittingly allowing other, less conventional ideas to be worked out without having to compete directly with the big companies. The iTunes Store proved effective at creating a destination for people to retrieve high quality media easily, legally, and (compared to media bought in a big box store) inexpensively. However, all attempts to undo Apple’s virtual monopoly of the concept have fallen flat, or face legal if not moral problems. Expect to see a new distribution model emerge in the next few years. It will start on the fringe of the industry, but quickly build. If I had to make an educated guess, I’d say it will first be tied to broadcast and cable news and sports outlets, which have faced the huge issue of how to remain relevant and provide timely content.

Movie theaters aren’t going anywhere, but they are evolving as well. There will always be a percentage of the population who prefers to see theatrical releases on a big screen with a crowd of strangers laughing, cheering, or crying together. The shared experience is powerful to people, and it remains a cheap date for teenagers. But we can expect the gap between theatrical release and home video sales to lessen in the short term, and to be eliminated entirely in the long term. Social media spoilers and piracy are threatening the industry as never before; the studios will have to accept the change and theaters will have to adapt as well.

Whither the Book of Face?

On the subject of social media’s continued rapid evolution, the next few years will see a shift away from loyalty to particular websites like Facebook to an app that combines all of your social networks into one central hub. This is already being done on a smaller scale (Meebo was working towards this goal, but Google acquired it and the concept was mothballed… for now), but look for the idea to expand.

Think of it in terms of how the DVR has changed a viewer’s experience. A few years ago, to watch or record a show, you had to know what channel/network it was on, as well as what day/time it started. But with a DVR you simply enter the title and the system does the rest. The concept of network loyalty is mostly dead because most don’t even know what network their favorite shows are on, despite the bug/logo in the corner. Follow that concept through to social media, and it won’t matter if your friends are on Facebook, Google+, Twitter, etc, because whatever they post will be visible to you. Shared text, photos, videos, and sounds all under a single umbrella, and you control the flow and even the look of it all.

The day the music died… then came back to life… then died again

The music industry has already begun the process of growing into a new century — for better or worse remains to be seen. Studios and labels have closed and consolidated. Radio as a viable business model is on its last legs; corporate ownership has wiped away the community connection audiences once had with radio stations. Absent that essential ingredient, radio cannot compete with mobile devices that contain playlists targeted specifically to the individual user. Streaming web services face legal challenges as they have a different (or nonexistent) method of paying license holders for the music they share with others.

What is happening in the music industry as a whole is a slow transition away from the manager/artist dynamic into an expert/apprentice dynamic. Seasoned artists are shepherding young talent into the industry, taking a percentage of the new performer’s profits in exchange for showing him/her the ropes. Consider how Usher was able to craft Justin Bieber into more than a YouTube sensation. Consider the way Lil’ Wayne has allowed other hip hop artists to ride on his coattails. It is not a new idea; Madonna signed Alanis Morissette to her record label years ago and worked with her to shape a brand that appealed to a specific demographic. The Beatles signed James Taylor to their UK label and helped make him a success in England as well as back in the states. But the industry will see a significant shift in power. Those with money will be dethroned and replaced by those with talent and ability, who will — in turn — nurture new talent. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

The cost of doing business

The business we call show will undergo massive changes in the near future, as the concept of a middleman becomes a thing of the past. In the short term, it will lead to more unemployed people within the industry, but the unemployed people will not be content creators. Instead, they will be the guys in suits in offices who collect royalties for work conceived and executed by others. A studio executive who isn’t actively involved in the projects being created will be put out to pasture. An agent who isn’t hands-on in the marketing and promotion of his/her client will be ousted. These are welcome changes. It reduces the levels of industry bureaucracy and ought to facilitate an environment where those responsible for creating art see a bigger share of the profits from that art.

As for monetization, without as many empty suits to pay for, the cost of doing business is going to go way down. The purchasing power of a dollar in the industry is going to go farther than ever before, and advertising will have to adapt — to become more creative and personal. Podcast listeners have undoubtedly heard their favorite hosts promote a product the way an old-time radio host used to promote Ovaltine during The Lone Ranger. That sort of hard-sell by a person audiences trust is one obvious method, but more subtle, viral concepts are blossoming as well. Niantic is something emerging from Google, but at present they are merely piquing interest, eluding to it as some sort of underground project.

In the so-called “golden age” of cinema, actors were often reclusive, refusing to give interviews, preferring to let the art speak for itself. News agencies respected this for the most part and maintained a discreet distance. In what ought to be the most obvious statement printed herein, those days are long gone. Any modern artist who erects a barrier between he/she and his/her fans has no fans. The best form of promotion right now is self-promotion. A professionally maintained presence on social media is an invaluable tool in this industry. A Twitter feed or Facebook page that engages fans and makes them feel directly linked to an artist can do more for an artist than a mid-level agent. A viral campaign on the internet can do more for the launch of an album or feature film than a 30 second spot in the Super Bowl. Kevin Smith’s film Red State was promoted almost exclusively on Smith’s Twitter feed, doing away with studio-led marketing campaigns that can sometimes double or triple the cost of the film itself. The entire Muppet brand was successfully relaunched because of an aggressive online strategy across multiple platforms. The future will bring new advertising strategies that rely less on traditional spots on networks and more on creative and customized strategies. The ad-men of Madison Avenue will need to not only think outside the box, but be entirely without form if they are to function in a new media environment.

The certainty of uncertainty

Nothing is certain; progress can be slow or rapid, depending on the whims of artists and consumers. Some changes such as the switch to HD will be forced upon the public. Other changes like hybrid engines become viable only after being deemed socially popular. I’d like to believe some of my long-term predictions will actually occur sooner than I anticipate, but I would also understand if some of my short-term ideas took longer to come to fruition. However, an inescapable certainty is change is coming; in fact, change is already upon us. While knowing where we have been helps to determine where we are headed, there is no room for someone overly nostalgic for the past.

Vinyl is dead. Film is dead. Radio as in industry is near death. Broadcast TV networks are near death. The cloud beckons. On demand beckons. Apprenticeship is poised to replace management. Viral campaigns are poised to replace traditional advertising. And physical devices will one day vanish into the thin air that replaces them. If you aren’t ready for those harsh realities, then you aren’t long for the entertainment industry.

Hollywood Tw*ts for the week of 5/23/10

Looking at the tweets of Hollywood’s least sentient beings — so you don’t have to.

(for all you know, the * in the title of this feature stands for the letter “i” and, thus, the title is only offensive if you choose to believe it is — much like the rest of the English language)

Note: Nobody new to the list this week, but for some reason, the regular gang of tw*ts annoying me more than usual. Perhaps the constant exposure to them is getting to me.

Mena Suvari 5,470 (up from 5,323)
“Good Day, L♥vers!Hope you’re all having a wonderful Saturday/weekend!Thanx for continuing to inspire me every day!♥☺♥”

Online stalkers inspire you?Back in the ’90s, did you snuggle up next to your virtual pets?

Melissa Rivers 11,105 (up from10,962)
“Mommy is getting mani/pedi. Woohoo”

“… to boldly go where no man has gone before…”

Courtney Love 32,823 (up from 31,605)
“im just pouting but damm i look cute!”

Get your eyes checked

Olivia Wilde 46,595 (up from 44,033)
“tried to joke to an 8 r old boy about his ipad making him look like a vry small man holding an iphone. he stared and said “no. its an ipad”"

Shannon Elizabeth 40,939 (up from 40,582)
“Random quote of the night….”Have you ever tied ur shoe too tight?” Haha”

Carrie Fisher 53,663 (up from 53,016)

Nothing new from this tw*t this week

Padma Lakshmi 57,119 (up from 54,868)
“Last HSN show coming up at 4pm EST. Hope you all tune in! Things are selling out quickly, very exciting!”

If you’re appearing on HSN, then THINGS aren’t all that has sold out.

Jennie Garth 72,999 (up from 72,463)
“Oh, and my daughter won 2nd place in the Strawberry Cup soccer tournament! Woot Woot!!”

As I say to my 40-year-old sister, girls can get away with using silly slang like “woot,” but when grown women use it, it makes them seem pathetic

Joan Rivers 87,591 (up from 86,334)
“One of the people on this season of How’d You Get $o Rich has so much money, last week he passed a 23 karat gall stone.”

With a dry, cool wit like that, Joan could be an action hero. Instead she is just another tw*t using her Twitter account to pimp her crappy show.

Jenna Jameson 116,915 (up from 115,403)

This tw*t just posted direct messages this week

Kelly Osbourne 282,676 (up from 279,509)
“Why is it that when ever your boyfriend gets sick they don’t even ask you they just give it you I woke up I throw up out my nose! :( m”

Anyone care to try to diagram that sentence?

Kathy Griffin 285,258 (up from 283,062)
“What kind of a cruel joke is it when ur addicted 2 the Food Network & can’t cook…at all? It is to me as porn is to straight (or gay) guys”

Something to whack off to?

Amanda Bynes 322,950 (up from 322,117)
“ily♥ (you know who you are)”

Eva Longoria 349,828 (up from 335,891)
“Me and my friend David Damian going to the White House to see Obama and Calderon!”

How sad for both countries that we sent Eve instead of someone who could use proper grammar — “My friend and I…” you stupid tw*t!

Lindsay Lohan 598,054 (up from 582,188)

Second week in a row of nothing but direct messages and RTs from this tw*t

Ivanka Trump 754,891 (up from 750,422)
“I heart Mexico!!”

I am sure Mexicans really feel your heart.

Yoko Ono 870,811 (up from 863,481)
“All of us can work in any medium, just as we use water in everything we cook.”

I would probably struggle working in the medium of lesbian porn

Lauren Conrad 1,018,701 (up from 1,010,395)
“If you were thinking I was dorky enough to be singing along at a glee concert… And then buying a glee sweatshirt… You would be correct.”

I wasn’t thinking it, but I don’t doubt it for a minute

Suze Orman 1,075,624 (DOWN from 1,076,881)
“For those of you who follow my schedule- we have had to have a change of plans and I will NOT be on QVC this week- but we will return soon”

Eight weeks of decline! AND now, even QVC doesn’t want you.

Nicole Richie 1,089,438 (up from 1,078,904)
“Tru Dat”

Khloe Kardashian 1,236,137 (up from 1,218,611)
“I normally wear a permanent screwed on bracelet but lately it has been bugging me. Should I take it off for a while or tough it out?”

Something very fitting about the words “permanent screw” used in reference to a Kardashian girl

Tyra Banks 1,447,543 (up from 1,415,478)
“I buy so many candles but I rarely ever light them. Does anyone else do the same??”

Actually, Tyra, many people night the candles lit to provide warmth and illumination, because we aren’t are rich models

Paula Abdul 1,670,494 (up from 1,667,387)
“I had no idea Einstein had a sister! I’d love to have coffee & girl talk with her! ;)”

I’d pay good money to see a sit down with Abdul and Einstein

Demetria Lovato 1,838,630 (up from 1,803,793)
“Music is my band aid. It heals everything for me.”

Except Band-Aids don’t heal anything. They just help prevent dirt from getting into open wounds. And since Demetria spends time with the Jonas brothers, I’d guess the level of dirt covering her would quickly overcome a humble Band-Aid.

Selena Gomez 1,881,318 (up from 1,856,153)
“Jammin to Somebody to Love while in the studio! I love you guys, hope you have a great day!”

Please, in the name of all that is holy, don’t tell me Selena is doing a cover of a Queen song

Paris Hilton 1,938,027 (up from 1,901,608)
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny maters compared to what lies with in us.”

I’ve seen the video, Paris, and you are anything but a tiny mater.

Lily Allen 2,146,732 (up from 2,136,643)
“I’m not pregnant. FYI”

Sperm and eggs everywhere rejoice.

Chelsea Handler 2,188,277 (up from 2,174,492)

A second week where Handler tries to be funny using only pictures, and suffers the same lack of success as when she tries to use her words

Ashlee Simpson 2,183,348 (up from 2,178,526)
“Check out idol tonight my friend travis garland is gonna play!”

Are you sure he isn’t going to lip-sync, get caught, and do a goofy vamp dance across the stage? I only ask because you have confused the two before.

Katy Perry 2,421,220 (up from 2,375,374)
“I could really use a crunk juice iv right now.”

You could use a lot more than that

Jessica Simpson 2,498,715 (up from 2,474,844)
“Hammock time…Quiet night welcome…Stars let’s talk…Moon, shall we dance?”

Quick word of advice to the moon: Dance with her all you want, but wear some protection.

Demi Moore 2,718,156 (up from 2,703,270)

Nothing but retweets from this tw*t this week

Mariah Carey 2,754,146 (up from 2,723,596)
“See, I still can’t dm w/this new ish..ugh!!!”

For a half-second, I thought “dm” was a reference to being a Dungeon Master in D&D. Silly me.

Taylor Swift 3,242,011 (up from 3,198,800)
“One of the first episodes of The OC is on in my hotel room in Canada. I feel suddenly compelled to buy the entire first season on DVD.”

I watched an episode of The OC once and felt compelled to punch the creator of the series in the face. I fought the compulsion, but it wasn’t easy.

Oprah Winfrey 3,572,490 (up from 3,537,589)
“Think you can host YOUR OWN SHOW? Or know someone who can. The search is on. Go to for details.”

Using the Oprah formula, all you need is an audience poised to cry, and “experts” who have brains the size of cashews.

Kim Kardashian 3,674,145 (up from 3,630,799)
“Someone just asked me if I was Miss USA, Rima Fakih!”

An easy mistake to make — you both pole dance. But Miss USA has a degree in economics, so there the similarity ends.

Lady Gaga 4,129,579 (up from 4,025,391)
“I am, perhaps a complicated person.+love seems to me,a complicated thing. But when I look at u, littlemonsters, its so simple. Love is easy.”

Apparently, Gaga is confusing love with sycophancy. As have we all.